I am great "waiter". Not the resturant kind of waiter but the "it's going to be a few more weeks sir" kind of waiter. I think it stems from my childhood and having to wait on my Dad to get home from work before anything could happen. Picture this: Your 10 years old, it's Christmas morning and it's already 7:50 AM but you can't go see what Santa brought you because your Dad isn't home yet. Of course you've been up since 4:30 planning a reconnaissance mission to the living room with your brothers to see who got what. But Mom (or Charlie as we liked to call her) is no fool and has the whole end of the hallway blocked off with Christmas ribbon and wrapping paper. So you wait. My older brother was NOT a very good waiter and would actually get mad about the whole situation. My younger brother had the attention span of a gnat and would forget we were waiting to go see our "stuff" until my older brother would remind him. So there you are; waiting and waiting and waiting. These waiting events seemed to happen all the time and I became, as I said earlier, a great waiter.
I have honed my waiting skills to a fine art and can wait with the best of them. DMV; no problem. College football game; piece of cake. Outback on Mothers Day; childsplay. Little old lady at the store who does not understand the difference between a debit card and a credit card much less the diffence between her zip code and her pin number; no sweat. My wife every time we go some where together; still working on it.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my wife more than life itself but she is the slowest person on the planet and she pushes my waiting skills to there limits. If you think you know someone who can "out slow" my wife, I would love to have a contest and put some money on it. Better yet, I have been thinking of pitching a reality show idea to a few networks. Here is how it would work; my wife and a unsuspecting contender would be given a task to complete. They would both be timed to see how long it took each person to complete the task. The results would be edited (heavily) for television and audiences would flock to watch the amazing slow moving woman. The best part is even if you had it on video, you still could not tell why it took her so long (it just does).
I am a very positive person and can find good in all situations. Here are some of the positive things about my wife being so slow:
- 2-1/2 years of equivelent quailty time with my kids sitting in the car waiting on my wife to come out of the house.
- $122.34 worth of change found in the car while spending quality time with my kids.
- Read Atlas Shrugged AND Founthead in one sitting (the kids were at their grandparents).
- Witnessed three (3) "girl" fights, (2) car wrecks, (24) parking lot spankings, (14) flip-flop mishaps and (4) food court romances.
- Don't have to sit through those pesky first quarters, periods or even halves of football and basketball games.
- Airline travel is a welcome vacation.
